NOVEMBER MADNESS*

LOTS OF JOKES ON THIS BLOG FOR THANKSGIVING IN THE ARCHIVES OF NOVEMBER 2008………. HAVE SOME FUN AND COME FOR A VISIT* DON’T FORGET TO VISIT MY OTHER BLOG WHERE I POST DAILY JOKES AND LOTS OF OTHER STUFF* ……….. DORAZ SAYS …………HAPPY NOVEMBER!

HALLOWEEN JOKES*

LOTS OF JOKES ON THIS BLOG FOR HALLOWEEN IN THE ARCHIVES. HAVE SOME SPOOKY FUN!

A LIFETIME OF SMILES*

“MAY YOUR TROUBLES BE LESS, YOUR BLESSINGS MORE, AND MAY NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS, COME THROUGH YOUR DOOR.”

Be sure to visit me @

DORAZ SAYS

Happiness…

The angel asked, “You aren’t happy. How can I help you?”

The poet replied, “I have everything. But I lack only one thing. Can you give it to me?”

To which the angel happily said, “Sure. I can give you anything you desired.”

The poet stared right into the angel’s eyes, “I want happiness.”

“All right,” the angel nodded. And the angel proceed to take away everything the poet possessed. The angel took away the poet’s talent, destroyed his looks, robbed his riches and killed his wife. The angel then left for heaven.

A month later, the angel appeared in front of the poet. The poet was lying on the ground, half dead, hungry and struggling for survival. The angel then returned him everything he once possessed and left for heaven again.

Two weeks later, the angel paid a visit to the poet. This time, the poet, together with his wife, thanked the angel profusely. He finally found happiness.

MY TWO BLOGS GETTING MARRIED*

The joyous celebration scheduled for LAUGH with DORAZ and
DORAZ SAYS will take place on September 30th, unless one of them gets cold feet! LVISS will conduct the ceremony and join them together in laughter and love. Bridesmaids will be Era, S.Le, and Kristi. Groomsmen are Tony, Gary and Clark. Flower boy will be Dennis. The ring bearer is PurpleHatter. The couple has decided that EVERYONE can have a good laugh, so BOTH BLOGS should get the SMILES! So, if you stop by this blog, you can have a look around…there is A LOT of stuff! Then you can get the new updates at my other blog DORAZ SAYS and see what else I am up to! I have really appreciated everyone’s support on this blog. I am not going to delete it…like Tony always does…..I am going to keep it running! Hope you all have lots of love and laughter in your lives! Keep a smile going 24/7!

FUN FOR THE BRAIN*

First off…NO, this is NOT my butt! REALLY.

How come when you mix water

and flour together….you get glue?

And then you add eggs

and sugar…

and you get cake??

Where did the glue go ??

NEED AN ANSWER??

You know darned well where it went!?

That’s what makes the cake

stick to your ass~~~~~

Thanks to Pam W

ANOTHER AWARD FOR ME*

Little Johnny has a speech impediment. His father taught to him to always be polite to people.

The first day of school, Johnny gets on the bus, remembering what his father told him, says to the bus driver, “Doog moaning buth driber,”

The bus driver slaps him in the mouth, and sends him to the back of the bus.

This goes on for four days.
Finally, Johnny tells his father the problem, “Fatter you tell me to be pollite, but when I do the buth driber shlaps my in ma faith.”

His father says, “Tomorrow I will wait at the bus with you.”

The next day, there they are waiting for the bus. When it arrives Johnny’s father says, “Go on Johnny get on the bus and be polite.”

Johnny does but looks to his father with fear in his eyes.

His father says, “Go on Johnny.”

So Johnny, wanting to be as polite as possible says, “Doog moaning buth driber.”

With that the bus driver raises his hand in an attempt to strike Johnny in the face, but before he can Johnny father grabs the drivers hand.

He asks, “Why do you smack my son, when all he is doing is being polite?”

The bus driver says, “Betause heeth making fun of me”

That cool blogging friend I have…….
PURPLE HATTER….. has designed another GREAT award for me!

Please stop by his blog and see what he has done with it! You will be amazed! Thanks!

Baskin Robbins JOKE*

Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A
mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, “Mama, I’m sooo hungry, what can we
eat?”

To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, “How
about some Baskin Robbins?”

LIAR LIAR*

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman. “Is it true that you called him a liar?

“Yes, I did.”

“Did you call him stupid?”

“Yes.”

“And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole?”

“No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?”

SOUTHERN WOMEN STYLE*

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know everybody’s first name:
Honey
Darlin’
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl’stn
S’vanah
Foat Wuth
N’awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Spa
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism’s:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them,
you “PITCH” them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction
of “yonder.”
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in:
“Going to town, be back drekly (directly).”
_____

Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for
the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl
in the middle of the table.
_____

All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use
the term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a
big bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a
large banana puddin’!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and
“a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1
mile or 20.
_____

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a
redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while st andi ng in lines, … and when Heres one proof of my Southern-ness
we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re
related, even if only by marriage.
_____

In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food;
and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know
you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea Sweet milk and corn bred!Ummm Ummm!
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea
unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say,”Bless her heart”… and go your own way.
_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your
Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and
call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time underst andi ng all
this Southern stuff…bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to
have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that
reads “I’m not from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”

Southern women know
men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

>

From my friend, KRISTI!

Snakes Are Deadly……WACKY THURSDAY FUN*

Garden Grass Snakes, also known as Garter Snakes
(Thamnophissirtalis ) can be dangerous and even deadly. Yes, grass snakes, not
rattlesnakes. Here’s why.

A couple, up on the Sweetwater, had a lot of potted
plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them
indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was
hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out
and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran naked out into
the living room to see what the problem was. His wife told him there was
a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to
look for it.

About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on
the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell
over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered
him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance

The attendants rushed in, wouldn’t listen to his

protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started

carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from
under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician
saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s

when the man broke his leg in four places, for which he was

eventually taken to the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on
a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with
a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.

Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in
relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where
she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the
snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out,
tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor’s wife, who had just
returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth on the
woman’s mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of
canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where
it needed more than a dozen stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw
her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she
assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and
got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the
man’s throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man,
smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred.
They were in the process of arresting them all, when the women tried
to explain how it all happened over a little green snake and the little snake again crawled out from
under the sofa.

One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and
hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered
and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out
and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and
smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the
fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder
when they were halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity
and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they
did get the house fire out).

Time passed… Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
repaired, insurance replaced the couch and curtains, the dog came home,
the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold
snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should
bring in their plants for the night.

That’s when he shot her.

Thanks Kristi!