Hilarious SEX JOKES…..Funny…Laugh -)*

DYNAMITE JOKE
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar.

After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to go?”

She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”

SUNBURN JOKE
Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children.

Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At least they’re finally together.”

A guy sitting in the front row says, “Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?”

The priest says, “I mean her legs.”

MAKING PARTNER JOKE
A man went into a pharmacy and asked the lady behind the counter if he could speak to a male pharmacist.

The lady replied that she was the only pharmacist and that she & her sister were the owners of the store. She was sorry, but there were no men working there.

Assuring him that there was no need to be embarrassed, she asked if there was something she could help him with.

The man said, “This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?”

The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll go talk to my sister.”

When she returned, she said, “The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month for living expenses.”

GREAT SEX JOKE
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, ‘I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday.She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.’

His buddy said, ‘I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.She’ll probably be thrilled!’

So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, ‘Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?’ ‘She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling…. I’ll see you in two hours!’